In Which The Monsters Always Win
by The Maze Writer
Summary: Cancer. Phil had terminal cancer. Dan wished and prayed it was a dream but no, the nightmare was real. But as soon as Phil died, he would die too. That he would make sure of. Now they both had an expiration date.
1. Chapter 1

_"_ _You can't hide from the monsters that lurk in the dark, they'll always find a way to into your heart."_

 _…_

"Argggg." Phil groaned quietly. He pressed his hand into his side as if to squash the pain. This was the third time this week his side had been throbbing for no reason that Phil could see.

He leaned over the side of the bed and breathed heavily through his mouth as a wave of nausea passed through him.

His head throbbed as the exhaustion started taking control again. Black spots swam before his eyes.

He couldn't breathe. His body shook.

He was terrified. Nothing like this had ever happened before.

Just then he felt bile start to climb up his throat and he stood up in alarm, knowing he needed to get to the bathroom.

He took one step before his legs buckled.

He crumpled, head thumping against the floor. The pain in his brain intensified, rising in pressure until he felt like he was going to die.

He screamed.

He screamed and screamed until the bile in his throat came pouring out of his lips, pooling around his face.

He screamed until he couldn't breathe anymore and he was left shaking.

He could see tears dripping into the bile as he lay paralyzed, in the worst pain he had ever felt.

Eventually the pain in his side came back, intensifying with every second until his mind finally gave up and his eyes rolled back into his head.

….

He didn't know what time it was when he woke up. He pealed himself off the floor. Everything looked hazy. The left side of his face was stiff with dried bile.

He was dizzy and dazed but somehow he stumbled to the bathroom. He turned on the tap and ran his hands under them, bringing them up to splash water on his face. He had no idea what had happened. Nothing had ever felt that bad before. Nothing.

His head throbbed dully, pounding behind his ears.

He thanked his lucky stars again that Dan was staying with PJ for two days.

He leaned against the sink as the realization hit him. Whatever this was, it wasn't going away.

He needed to see a doctor.

…

Phil stayed in bed that next week.

When he woke up every day he just lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Sometimes he would browse through Tumblr aimlessly.

He just didn't seem to have any energy.

Dan hardly saw him at all.

He had no idea what was going on and that terrified him because it was such a drastic change in behavior from Phil.

He knocked on Phil's door.

"Phil?"

Nothing.

"Are you ok? Can I come in?"

No answer. Dan's patience was through.

"I coming in."

He grabbed the handle and opened the door. There was Phil, lying in his bed, staring into space.

"Phil, what's going on?"

Phil snapped his eyes from the wall and looked at Dan lazily.

"You haven't come out in days. What happened? Why are you acting this way?"

Phil looked away again.

"PHIL." Dan shouted. "Stop this right now! Talk to me!"

"There's nothing to say." Phil muttered.

"Yes there is! Just look at you! You're eyes are sunken, you're pale, and I know you haven't been eating. Tell me what going on or I'm calling an ambulance."

Phil sat up and leaned over the side of the bed, letting his feet scrape the floor.

"There's no use."

Dan felt his heart drop even though he didn't know why.

"What does that mean?"

Phil dropped his gaze.

"Nothing."

"What is it Phil? Why won't you tell me what's going on with you? What are you not telling me?!"

"Dan, it's not that easy…" Phil stood up.

"Yes it is Phil. I'm leaving until you decide you can talk to your best friend again."

Dan turned around and started to walk away.

"I have cancer!"

Dan froze. He turned to face Phil, his face white.

"What?"

"I have cancer Dan. And it's terminal."

Phil paused, and looked away. When he looked back, he could see Dan shaking.

"I could get chemo, but the doctor said it's probably not worth it. The chances of it helping are minimal, and even if I do try I could die sooner from the sickness it causes."

"But isn't in worth a try?" Dan whispered. "Isn't it worth a fucking try if you could live?"

"I don't know Dan. I just want to enjoy what I have left. Chemo could just lead me to suffer more."

"How long do you have?"

"A few months probably. They don't know."

"How long have you known?"

"About a week. I didn't want to tell you in case you left me or something. This isn't going to be easy and there are already going to be a lot of bad days…"

Phil choked a little on his own words.

"I'm so scared. I just didn't want to do it alone….." He started crying.

Dan rushed over and hugged Phil as tight as he could. Phil closed his eyes and leaned into Dan. When he felt his shirt feel damp he realized that Dan was crying too. His body shook with silent sobs as he clutched his friend with a white knuckled grip.

They had no idea what was to come, but whatever was around the corner, they would deal with it together.

Promise.


	2. Chapter 2

_"_ _Even the sun sets in paradise."_

 _…_

He put Phil to bed shortly after they spoke. He had started choking on his own sobs and then couldn't catch his breath.

It was the scariest moment of Dan's life.

He had actually had to rock the older man until he had calmed down enough to catch a breath. Which he couldn't. He passed out cold in Dan's arms.

Once he had passed out however, his body was able to catch up with him and his wheezing and crying ceased.

He looked like a helpless child and Dan just couldn't help it.

He held Phil and cried. He cried and cried until his throat was raw and the tears seemed endless as he sat and screamed for justice.

Eventually he pried himself from his friend.

He picked him up and carried him to his bedroom.

There he placed Phil as gently as he could on the bed.

Slowly he backed up, grabbing the doorframe as he felt himself getting dizzy.

Then he turned and ran. Away from Phil. Away from the cancer. Away from the fear. Away from the pain.

Out the door, down the stairs, into the dark street. The dark deserted street where it was cool and nothing mattered.

Not anything.

...

He ran. He ran and ran and when he fell he picked himself ignoring the sting of the asphalt and the blood on his palms.

Every brush of wind felt like a slap to the face.

Every blade of grass cut him.

He ran until his face connected with the ground. He felt the blood but didn't acknowledge it. Instead he focused on the pain. Welcomed it. Let it fill every part of him.

Then he picked himself up.

He crawled over to an oak and leaned his head against it.

Let the blood run in rivers down his cheeks like he was crying blood. He let it drip over his lips and off his chin.

Only then did he let himself think.

Every single fucking memory came back, knocking the wind out of him.

He didn't notice that the fucking tears had come back until they started mixing with the blood on his cheeks.

Fuck. Everything was fucking horrible and he couldn't do shit about it. The whole fucking world was a mess and there was something so twisted about the wrongness of everything.

Phil with fucking cancer.

Phil fucking dying.

Dan with no fucking friends.

Dan left with fucking nothing.

Dan fucking ending it all.

Dan fucking killing himself.

He curled into a ball and sobbed.

He had nothing to live for.

 _…_

He didn't know how long he cried. He didn't care.

His head pounded, his throat dry, his cheeks raw.

Phil. Phil _. Phil._

He cried harder, sobbing until he could no longer breathe.

The world spun around him and he put his head on the grassy ground as he gasped desperately.

Blood still dripped into a small pool at his feet. He still tasted the rusted copper on his lips.

His hair fell into his eyes but he longer had the strength or the will to fix it.

Phil was going to die.

And he was going to be alone.

Through his blurred vision and darkening thoughts he fell, until his body could no longer handle it.

Darkness was a relief.

...

He was damp.

The sky crying in sympathy with him as his tears mixed with the rain and blood on his cheeks.

Watered down streams of blood trickled down his wrists, streaking patches of dark, dried blood.

His eyes burned, his head ached.

He hated it.

He hated his life, he hated himself, he hated absolutely everything.

He dug his fingers into the damp dirt, pushing himself off his stomach.

He stood up, ignoring the dizziness that would inevitably send him back on the ground.

He felt lost.

All he wanted to do was jump off the bridge in the park and let the water drag him down and away…...

Where none of this mattered…

Where he had something to live for…

Where he could stay with Phil forever…

He made a decision.

The day Phil died, would be the day he died. Phil's expiry date was his expiry date.

For you could not see one of them without seeing the other. You couldn't kill Phil without killing Dan. And vice versa.

His death date was set.

The world was so cruel, and he didn't want to see it anymore.

 _Together forever._ Or maybe not.

….

He stumbled up the streets, through the front door, and up the stairs.

The first thing he did was check on Phil.

The older man lay in his bed where Dan had left him, mouth now slightly open, leading Dan to piece that Phil had slipped out of the forced unconsciousness and into sleep.

He hadn't even stirred.

Dan let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

He trudged into the bathroom and, gathering his strength into both hands, looked at the mirror.

Blood soaked his hair, his face, his neck, his shirt. Tear tracks stained his cheeks. Streaked red lines covered his wrists.

Suddenly he felt nauseous.

He crouched over the toilet and dry wretched, the horrible sound echoing off the thin walls.

Yet nothing came up.

Oh yeah, he hadn't eaten.

He stood up, ignoring the shaking that was rumbling through his entire frame.

His shaky hands peeled his wet, blood soaked shirt over his head.

He stepped into the shower, turning up the knob up as high as he could, trying to burn through his own thoughts as he let the spray pummel his face.

He felt the dry blood drip down with the water, mixing into a pool of pink at his feet.

Only after every drop of blood was gone did he exit the shower, throw away the ruined shirt, and jump into bed, cowering under the covers like a kid.

All he wanted to do was forget.


	3. Chapter 3

_"_ _He was without his angel. His angel was without the cure."_

 _…_

He woke up in a cold sweat gasping, fingers clutching the bedsheets with strength enough to turn his knuckles white.

Tears wet his cheeks, his chest shook with silent sobs.

 _"_ _Nightmare,"_ he thoughts dizzily.

But he couldn't wake up from the real nightmare. If he couldn't wake up, maybe the nightmare was real. Maybe _all this_ was real.

This was his new hell.

He was just thankful he hadn't screamed.

He didn't want Phil to know.

Didn't want him to know how much he was hurting.

Didn't want him to know how much he was breaking on the inside.

 _But then again, you can't break a broken heart._

He could tell he was falling into his old ways. But this time, he didn't have his angel to fix him. His angel was the one who needed to be fixed, but Dan didn't have the cure.

It was going to be a spiral into darkness for both of them.

Dan trapped in the dark hell of his own mind.

Phil trapped in a body that was slowly wasting away.

….

Phil woke up achy and sore.

He rolled out of bed and opened the draw next to his bed.

An arsenal of colored pill bottles met his eyes.

He took out four of them out and laid them out on the bed. Respectively, he shook out eight pills, two from each bottle. He grabbed the glass of water from the side and swallowed them in one gulp, wincing as the bitter taste hit his throat.

He reminded himself this was his life now. That he had to take pills each day to elongate the little amount of life he had left and minimize the cancer's side effects. The doctor said in all likelihood, MORE pills were likely to be added to his prescription as time went on.

He slid out of bed and walked into the kitchen in his pajamas.

Dan wasn't up, big surprise.

Phil guessed that his friend had probably been up to the early hours of the morning. His own memories of the last night were hazy towards the end.

But he had told Dan. That was what mattered.

He sat down at the kitchen chair but he couldn't sit still. He stood back up and paced the floor. The apartment was too quite.

He gave up.

He paced down the hallway and peeked through Dan's cracked doorway. A black and white duvet covered ball was huddled in the middle of the mattress. The lump rose and fell with soft breaths.

A gentle smile lifted the corners of his lips. Dan looked so peaceful.

But at the same time it scared him, terrified him.

How was Dan going to cope when he was gone?

Would he able to sleep at night? Would he be ok?

Phil cursed his cancer. Cursed it for hurting not only him, but a sweet young man that had nothing to do with any of this.

He just wanted Dan to be happy.

He leaned against the doorway, just wanting to soak in his friend's peacefulness, for however long it might last.

…

Dan stirred a little after 11:30. He poked his head from his cocoon and gave Phil a sleepy smile, not seeming to notice or care why Phil was leaning on the doorframe.

All his brain could register was he had to spend what time he had left with his best friend.

"Lay here. Come down and lay next to me."

Phil climbed into the bed and laid down next to Dan. Together they stared at the ceiling. Their hands brushed against each other's and they intertwined their fingers. Squeezing each other's hands, they silently communicated their words.

 _"_ _I love you."_

Just together.

Just enjoying each other's company.

For however long it might last.


	4. Chapter 4

_"_ _We're smiling but we're close to tears."_

 _…_ _._

They had fallen asleep.

Phil woke up slowly, trying to push the exhaustion out of his system.

He opened one eye and looked around blearily.

He didn't remember falling asleep.

He reached out his arm and felt around the bed, only to find empty sheets and the absence of warmth.

Dan had woken before him.

Phil pushed himself of the bed and stood up, ignoring the sudden head-rush and the dizziness it brought him.

"Dan?" he called quietly.

No response.

Just a horrible muffled sound coming from Phil's room.

Phil walked towards his bedroom.

Dan was facing away from him, holding one of his pillows and crying quietly into it.

Phil swallowed the huge lump that rose into his throat.

"Dan," he whispered.

A sob ripped through the air.

"Dan, please."

Dan turned to face him.

"What's wrong?"

Dan's face contorted into pain and anguish.

"You really want to know what's wrong Phil?"

He didn't give Phil time to answer.

"I didn't have a best friend for the first 18 years of my life. Then I met you and it was worth the wait."

Phil blinked. Did Dan really feel that way?

Dan continued.

"And now you've told me you're going to leave me forever. Damn it Phil, eight years isn't enough! No amount of time will ever be enough for you."

Phil choked, the emotion catching in his throat and filling his eyes.

"Oh god Dan….. I-I, I-I, It's not enough for me either ok? I'm not even thirty! There's so many things I haven't done or seen…." He took a deep breath as the realization hit.

"I don't want to leave you. I don't! I care about you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But this isn't a choice, we don't get a say in this. I'm dying, and there's nothing we can do. I've made peace with that. You need to as well."

"I-I can't Phil! I can't! I refuse to accept it, I won't!"

Tears and hysteria bubbled in his eyes and voice, running down his face in torrential rivers.

Phil winced, feeling his heart stab in physical pain.

"Dan please stop crying now. Please. It's killing me faster than this cancer."

Dan turned towards him and blinked, another wave of tears fell down his red cheeks.

"Dan, everything is wrong right now. Please stop."

"What's wrong then Phil?" spat Dan bitterly. "You keep acting like everything's ok."

"The cancer! The cancer is not only killing me, but it's killing us! Dan, stop. Please. For me."

"I can't just act like nothing's happening Phil. At one point you're going to leave me, and I'll have nothing. I just don't see how I can live without you."

"Bear, I will _always_ be with you. I'm in your memoires, in our book, in our videos, in this whole world we made together. Dan, _we did this all together."_

Dan looked like he was going to start crying again. His face crumpled.

"God damn it you're beautiful. To me you're everything, ok Phil? You're everything to me." Dan's voice broke as the sobs started racking through his chest again. Phil wrapped him in a bear hug, and Dan clasped on as if he might die if he didn't hold Phil as close as he could.

"It's ok Bear. I've got you. I've got you."

Neither of them wanted to let go.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been two weeks since he had told Dan. Two whole weeks without telling anyone else.

Today was the day he told everyone. His family, his friends, his fans.

He had considered his options long and hard, but in the end he knew what he had to do. They deserved the truth. They had all been there for him, all loved him and cared about him.

He wanted to return their kindness.

Saying it was a lot different than doing it though. He kept picking up the phone, then putting it down again. Drafting the tweet, only to delete it again.

Eventually he just gave up and put his head in his hands. His head was beginning to pound.

"Phil?" Dan called, poking his head through the door. "You ok?"

"Yeah, just overwhelmed is all," replied Phil, his voice heavy.

Dan came to sit next to him.

"You should call your mother first," he suggested.

Phil sighed, knowing Dan was right.

He picked up the phone and Dan stood up and retreated.

"I'll give you some privacy. I'll come back when you're finished."

Phil nodded and dialed his parents number, dreading the conversation he was about to have.

…

As Phil finally hung up the phone, he had to swallow the huge lump that had risen in his throat.

His mother had taken it horribly, as expected.

As he wrapped up the conversation, his mother had been in tears. She begged him to reconsider his decision about refusing treatment, then went on a one-sided conversation about how this could have happened to her youngest son. Her beautiful, kind, youngest son.

She told him she would come over right away but he told her not to. He said he would come visit her sometime soon, as soon as he got his bearings. And he meant it as well.

Dan, hearing the low hum of conversation die down, came back into the room.

Seeing Phil slumped over in his chair he came over and rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Are you going to call our friends now?"

Phil nodded tiredly.

Luckily, they didn't HAVE tons of close friends, so he wouldn't have to break the news to lots of heartbroken people.

Yet.

…

Phil had called everyone on his short contact list.

PJ, Chris, Louise, and Cat were some of the worst. They were the friends he was closest too.

Cat and Louise had burst into tears, where as PJ and Chris and got quiet and when they did finally speak, their voices had become tight and croaky, as if all the air was being squeezed from their lungs.

After that he proceeded to call everyone who he thought might care. Mostly fellow YouTubers, but some of his childhood friends too.

The absolute worst was his brother.

He knew Martyn wasn't going to take it well, and he was right. After all, they were close, still taking family vacations together and even the occasion friendly house-visit.

It was the first time since they were little that he had ever heard his brother cry.

It was heart-wrenching to listen too, and he couldn't help the small flood of tears that fled from his eyes.

They arranged to see each other soon.

…

Phil sighed heavily, already the immense emotional weight starting to become too much from him.

One person left.

Or rather, 3.7 MILLION people left.

When he picked up his phone again Dan looked at him, confused.

"Who's left?"

"The fan base."

Dan frowned.

"Are you sure you want to tell them?"

Phil smiled sadly, meeting Dan's eyes with a forlorn gaze.

"Of course. They've been here for me and acted nothing but supportive since the beginning. Not to mention they were the reason I got live my dream. In their shoes I would want to know. Plus, they're going to find out eventually and I'd rather it was from me then some tabloid."

Dan's incredulous face broke out into a wide smile.

"Phil Lester, you never cease to amaze me."

Phil smiled back, then turned his attention to his phone.

"Hey Dan, what do you think of this tweet?"

Dan peered over his shoulder to take a look.

"I don't know how to say this in a way that makes it sound better. I have terminal cancer. I only have a few weeks but Dan is taking amazing care of me. Thank you guys so much for supporting me and I hope that you can continue to find a smile in my old videos. Without you guys I never would have been able to live out my passion. I love you all. Thank you so much."

Dan nodded at Phil slightly, not trusting his voice to give the lump in his throat away.

Phil took a deep breath.

And with Dan's hand resting on his shoulder, he pressed send.

Within thirty second Phil's phone blew up. Shaking, ringing, and vibrating all at once.

"Here comes the shit storm," Dan mutters under his breath.

Phil opens up the phone with shaking fingers.

 **CAN SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO STOP CRYING**

 **…** **Is this really happening?**

 **I'm shaking so hard right now how could this happen**

 **PHIL NO! YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE**

 **We're all here for you Phil. Condolences to anyone who was lucky enough to get to know you personally.**

Phil gulped. Suddenly, Dan's phone starting pinging too.

"Here it comes, they're tagging me in too."

Dan opens his phone to another mess of tweets flooding in.

 **Dan, please take good care of him**

 **Please don't quit YouTube after… you know**

 **I'm so sorry Dan. I know how much this must be hurting you**

 **I want you to know we're all here for you**

Emotions were already running high for the both of them. The sudden outpouring of love, support, and mutual feelings of hardship took away their barriers again and as they blinked, tears fell into their laps.

They didn't know what they had been expecting exactly, but definitely not that.

They spent the next two hours assuring, comforting, and thanking grieving, heart-broken fans.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: A last, long chapter! I would have drawn this ending out a lot longer but honestly I doubt I'm ever going to come back to this story. This is the ending I wrote a long time ago that ruined my life.**

 **Thank you all for staying with me through this story! I love you all :D**

"Oh Phil, I'm so sorry, I never should have convinced you to try…." Dan pleaded, leading Phil into his room as the older man leaned heavily on him, face sheet-white.

"It's fine, I-"Phil threw up again, barely making it to the garbage can as he dropped to his knees and emptied his stomach.

"Oh god, Phil…." Dan leaned over his friend's body and rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Dan…..help me up…please….I…..can't….." Phil struggled weakly. He was about to collapse.

"Ok Phil, ok." Dan put his hands under Phil's arms and pulled upwards. He got Phil up on his unsteady legs, then pushed him back gently until his sore body found the sheets.

Phil lay down and shut his eyes as he put his head on the pillow, his complexion matching the sheets.

"Phil, do you need anything?" Dan whispered, guilt racking his insides.

"Go….Please….."

Dan felt his heart crack.

"Ok Phil, alright. I'm so sorry, I never should of-"

"No, not because of that."

"Then what?"

Phil opened his eyes again, the glazed over tiredness and pain looking orbs focusing on a faraway point.

"I'm awful just to see."

Phil's voice was so raspy and weak, yet these words seemed to resonate in Dan's mind, bouncing and echoing in the dark caverns within.

"You're not, you're beautiful, like always…."

"No, Dan, I'm not."

And as if to prove him point, he reached up to his head, shaking fingertips brushing as some falling black hair strands.

"My hair's falling out," Phil whispered, tears brimming in his eyes, still refusing to meet Dan's gaze. "And I feel soggy from the chemo."

Dan grasped Phil's wandering hand, gently pulling it away from his head. He pulled it into both of his, and held onto it, protected its broken fragility.

"I'm counting down the days." Phil murmured. "Till it's all over."

"The hardest part is going to be leaving you."

Dan felt the hot tears begin again, rolling down his pale cheeks.

"Don't speak like that Phil, it's not over, it's not-"

"This just isn't living."

…

 _As he led Phil down the corridor on his arm, Dan felt a horrible hope. He second guessed his motives again. This could make Phil terribly sick._

 _As the nurses strapped an IV into Phil's arm and added the tube that would give Phil the chemo, Phil looked at Dan and tried to smile._

 _Dan could tell it was a pretence. He could also tell when Phil felt the chemo enter his bloodstream. His face suddenly closed off and became pursed, his skin paling to a dull, dead, grey._

 _He didn't talk the whole three hours. Just shrunk further into his leaning chair and closed his eyes, only breaking the silence to cough._

 _Dan didn't say anything either, just brushed the hair from Phil's face and stroked his limp hand._

 _When the tubes were detached Phil looked at the floor with obvious pain in his now dark eyes._

 _When he sat up, Dan watched as he swooned in his chair, eyes shutting tight, grabbing onto his chair so he didn't fall out. Wordlessly, he fumbled blindly for the bin, and threw up, his whole body shaking with the strain. That was when Dan knew._

 _He had made Phil very, very sick._

 _..._

 _"_ _They say the most beautiful angel's make the cruelest demons. And my darling you were so bright and beautiful, before they dragged you down to hell."_

"Phil, go to bed."

Phil was too tired to even fight it. He was exhausted.

He let Dan swing an arm around him and guide him down the hall.

When his knees buckled and he almost fell Dan gave up on the idea of Phil walking again. Dan wrapped one of his arms Phil's back and the other under his knees and lifted.

He had lost so much weight Dan didn't even find him heavy.

Dan carried Phil to his bed and placed him down as gently as possible.

He sat down on the side of the bed and looked down at his flatmate.

"Are you in pain?"

"No. Just a little tired is all," Phil rasped.

Dan didn't believe him. He made Phil swallow a painkiller and a glass of water.

After he had choked on the water he settled down and looked at Dan.

"Dan, what do you think dying feels like?"

He regretted saying it as soon as the words passed through his lips.

Dan went white, as white as he had on the day Phil told him he had cancer.

"Don't say that," Dan said quietly.

"I'm sorry."

There was silence for a little bit.

"It's just, I've been getting worse lately. I'm more tired, I'm in more pain, I can't eat….."

"Let's cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Ok." He leaned back into the pillows.

"Do you want me to get your tank?"

"Please."

Dan left then came back a few seconds later with the oxygen tank. He rolled it up to the bed and helped Phil but the little nubbins under his nose and the tubing behind his ears.

Phil took in a deep, easy breath.

"Better?"

"Better."

More silence.

"It's just….." Phil bit his lip.

"What?"

"What about my, you know….."

"I've got your funeral sorted out Phil. I'll take care of that stuff. You don't need to worry about it." Dan bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. _This isn't Phil talking, this is the cancer talking._

 _"_ Thank you Dan. Now I can die knowing everything is okay."

Dan choked a little, but tried to hide it.

"You're welcome."

Phil's eyes became distant as he stared at the ceiling.

"I'm going to miss everyone so much. You, our friends, my parents, the fans, everyone."

"Phil." Dan's voice sounded strained.

"Sorry."

"By the way, I forgot to thank you."

"For what?"

"For taking care of me."

Dan's tongue seemed to swell and he looked away.

"You're welcome."

When he turned back, Phil had fallen asleep. He was so tired lately.

Dan was so worried about him. He just wanted Phil to be ok. He knew it wasn't possible, but that was all he wanted in the world.

He knew Phil's time was approaching. He could see it in his face, he could see it in the way Phil could do littler and littler by himself.

And now, with Phil asking about these things, it just wasn't like anything Phil had talked about before. It sounded, defeatist.

He stood in Phil's doorway, just looking at is friend. He couldn't bring himself to leave. He felt like he had to be right next to him. Like nothing in the world was more important than this moment.

He crossed the room and curled up into the armchair next to Phil's bed, crossed his arms, and closed his eyes.

And there they slept. Phil in his bed, and Dan in the armchair.

They say some dogs know when death is coming instinctually. Dan thought later that this might have been what happened with Phil. And deep down, he knew he had felt it too.

 _…_

"Dan, I think it's the end."

Phil's voice cut through the fogginess of Dan's mind in an instant.

He moved his chair so it faced the bed, grasping onto Phil's hand, his heart in his throat.

"It's ok Phil. We'll be ok." His voice broke on the last word as tears started to leak from his eyes.

"I want to be scared, but I'm just too tired."

"It's ok Philly just rest. I'm right here."

"I know you are," Phil closed his eyes and smiled. It was just a twitch of his lips. "You always are. Thank you for always being with me."

Dan felt his throat clench as another stream of tears came out from his overflowing eyes. His body shook under the strain of trying not to sob out loud.

"It was my pleasure. After all, I was the one that stalked you, remember?"

Phil chuckled, a raspy gurgle.

"Yeah, I remember. I think my best memory was when I met you in real life. I was so happy. All I could think was I had met my other half."

"Me too." Dan whispered.

Phil's face seemed to drop a few shades as he relaxed under his green and blue duvet.

"Dan, I don't think I'll be able to hold on much longer."

This time Dan couldn't hold it anymore. He sobbed out loud, the force racking though his body. Phil cracked open his eyes, and squeezed Dan's hand feebly. His indescribably coloured orbs stared into Dan's chocolate ones.

"I'm not scared, so you shouldn't be either."

Dan tried to smile, the tears streaming down his cheeks as he held Phil's hand.

"Everyone always said you were an angel Phil. Now you can go and prove them right."

"I will Bear."

"I'll miss you Lion."

Phil closed his eyes again and his stammering breaths quietly stuttered to a stop.

He looked at peace.

And then Dan lost it. He sobbed so hard he shook the bed, his tears falling into Phil's raven hair as he hugged his broken angel into his chest.

The monsters had won.

 _Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice. But falling in love with you, that was beyond my control._


End file.
